Let's Play Final Fantasy IV

Alright so where was I again? It's been a while...


Oh yes, I'm now trapped in Hell after we crash landed next to a castle. Fuck you Cid.


Shouldn't it be three Goblins and one Goblin Captain?

*Kain levels up*


Dwarf Castle?


I kinda expected them to be a little smaller. Instead they're my size. I probably would have died laughing if he said "King Simon".

The other dwarf says "Lali-ho!" The next group of guards says "Golbez is evil! You don't look evil." and "Go see King Giott."


So many people here...

Guards say "Lali-ho is the dwarven greeting!" and "Together, now! One, two, three! LALI-HO!"

Luca: I'm Luca. My dolls disappeared. Have you seen them?
"Lali-ho!"
"King Giott is waiting."
"Lali-ho! No! Important room!"

That last one is a guard to a staircase. The staircase on the oppositte side is not blocked.


INN!

And more blocked halls...

The guy below me says "Dwarven items hold magical powers! Human's can't handle them!"
The guy guarding the stairs says "Lali-ho! No! Important room!"
The guy just visible on the corner says the same thing.

The guy on the left side of the counter sells items, the one on the right is the innkeeper. The one in the middle also sells items, including Cottages.

I don't know what the difference between the two is but I'll buy one.


Missed the timing to get the King's face.

Cecil: You are...?
King: I am King Giott, ruler of the underworld. State your business.
Cecil: We've come in search of the Dark Crystals.
Giott: Ah, I see. You are like the others. But from what I have witnessed, I see you are not on their side.
Kain: Where are the Dark Crystals? Have they been taken?
Giott: They have stripped us of two. Now only two remain.
Yang: One step too late.
Giott: The castle's Crystal is still safe. Our tanks fought them off.
Rosa: Yes, we saw your tanks battling the airships on our way here.
Giott: "Airships," you call them? The overworld creates many incredible wonders. Our tanks have taken quite a beating. Can you help us with your airship?
Cid: Honestly, we need to repair her first. The attack really busted her good.
Giott: We will do anything in our power to help you repair your airship.
Cid: Ahh, she won't last in the heat of this lava, anyway. I'll make temporary fixes for now, then fly back up to the surface and gather me some mythril to armor her better.
Cecil: Cid!
Cid: Just button up and relax. I'll be back before you it!
Rosa: Be careful, Cid.
Cid: Heh heh. No worries! I'm a tough old man!


*is now hoping*

Cecil: King Giott, where is the Crystal?
Giott: in the safest place in the castle... Hidden behind my throne.
Yang: !
Cecil: Yang? What's wrong?
Yang: Someone is spying on us.
Giott: What?

*a girl's sprite is briefly seen behind the walls*

Cecil: Perhaps it was your imagination.
Yang: I wish it were so... but I definitely sense a presence.
Giott: Open the door!
Dwarf: Yes, sire!

*the party rushes into the passage the spy was in and into the Crystal Room*


Lovely...

"Yip-ho-ho!"

Cecil: ?
Rosa: Dolls?


These can't be regular dolls... They're jumping all over the place...


What.

"We're cute! And we're scary! We love to kill! Let's take their heads! Yeah! A gift for Golbez! Yippy ho!"


How did four become six? I sorely wish I still had Tellah...


Oh. My. God. I took out three of them, or maybe it was four, and they united into one...

Also I just realized it'd be nice to have Kain in the front row.


There was a power storage, so they disengaged and brought back the ones I killed.


DAMMIT. Again it appeared when the Red ones were killed.... Hmm.... I suspect once I wail on this enough, they'll split apart again and this time I'll go after the Blue ones.


What the fuck is Kain doing?


Oh. I didn't get that chance. I was still wailing on the big baby and poof, it dies. I'm guessing that the battle is scripted so that it really only progresses when they are united.

Moving on, I really hope I get time to heal because otherwise I'm gonna be really sufferring in the next battle...

*Cecil levels up*
*Rosa levels up*
*Rosa learns Curaga*
*Rosa learns Mini*


"Big Bully! But now Golbez knows about this place! He's gonna getcha! Sir Golbez!

*they disappear*

Cecil: !?

"Our paths cross again..."

Cecil: Golbez!
Golbez, the man who just appeared and walked off the crystal podium: I commend you for finding your way to the underworld. To reward your efforts, I shall tell you why I am collecting the Crystals. The eight Crystals of light and dark are the keys to reactivating the Tower of Babel, which leads to the moon. Legends say the moon possesses power beyond our comprehension. I need only one more Crystal to materialize my dream. You have been of great aid to my quest. Now prepare for your final reward!


God. Fucking. Dammit.


Oh come on.... He summoned a dragon... And now he's knocking out my party one by one.... Oh yeah and he parazlyed everyone but Kain, whose jumping at the time.

*Kain's attack misses, not surprising considering this seems to be scripted*


MIST DRAGONNNNNNNNN!!!!

The Plot Twist Nobody But Lief (and partially myself) Was Expecting!

*Golbez and the Shadow Dragon take 864 and 928 damage respectively*

*Shadow Dragon dies*

*Cecil is released from parazylsis by a familiar voice*




I KNEW THERE WAS TOO MUCH PORN FOR HER TO BE DEAD! Seriously I once searched Final Fantasy IV on a hentai site and most of the results were of her either being raped or selling herself. Usually with the reason she is trying to raise money for the village's rebuilding, with things sometimes taking an "unexpected" turn.

That search also revealed something else, but is highly spoilerific (though I do have some doubt) and so I will keep it to myself.

Also check out that action shot of Kain. That's awesome.

*notices that Rydia has no White Magic*

I thought she had some white magic. Maybe I'm just remembering long. Or maybe that's what happens when you get eaten by a sea monster.


Wow... Not only does she have the Titan, she has the Mist Dragon, and three other guys I don't know. How about we start with Shiva?


Nice.

*deals over 900 damage, defeating Golbez*

*Rydia levels up*


I doubt that's the end of it.


New Sprites. I wonder if that means her age has changed as well.

Cecil: What happened to you?


Most dramatic change of all...

Rydia: We becames friends during my stay. I learned a lot there. I can't use white magic anymore, but I've grown strong as a summoner. Time flows differently there, so I may have aged quite a bit.
Me: You have.You look well into your teens now, at least.
Rosa: That explains why your appearance has changed.
Kain: Cecil, who is she?
Me: :I
Cecil: It's the girl we found in Mist.
Yang: Fortune favors us indeed.
Cecil: Rydia, we owe you our lives. Thank you.
Rydia: You don't have to thank me. The queen of the Land of Summons said to me... "A great force is secretly at work. We must confront it together."

HP: 5,315
Strength: 106 (that's seven higher than the cap for player characters, by the way)
Defense: 2
Magic Defense: 25


Calcobrena starts as eight dolls - Calcos and Brenas. (These are Luca's dolls, by the way). Calcos are sturdier and stronger, but Brenas...actually, Brinas don't really have an advantage. What the hell?


Anyway, fail to beat them in a time limit, and they transform into Calcobrena.


Calcobrena's major threat is its ability to use Glance to Charm an ally. How the heck anyone is charmed by this abomination, I have no idea. If you don't want to deal with that, simply alternate between taking out the Calcos and the Brenas, leaving a Brena for the last to be killed due to the fact that she isn't as sturdy. (Yes, merging is still a threat. Don't ask me how a doll can merge with itself.)

You can, of course, brute force it. Just make sure that Cecil is at optimal health. Why? Well...

HP: Effective 3000
Strength: 86 (wat)
Magic: 1 (wat)
Defense: 0 (wat)
Magic Defense: 0 (double wat)
Weakness: Fire, Holy

After a while, Golbez paralyzes everyone and summons his Shadow Dragon Eidolon. The fact that he can do this is not relevant to anything in the game. The Shadow Dragon uses Black Fang to kill everyone one by one. (Proper timing with Kain means he can be exempt. TS did this. Go TS!) Things look hopeless...then Rydia shows up and summons Mist Dragon! And somehow cures Cecil. Yay!

Golbez is a very simple man. All he does is cast Bio, Fira, and...Thundaga. Okay. He isn't very threatening for final boss material, because you can KO him easily with Rydia and Cecil alone. Having Kain helps, of course. In fact, it might be worse to try to revive people, because that drags the battle on as you revive your characters, then Golbez crushes them before they can heal. Repeat until everyone else is too beat up to survive effectively, and Game Over. Hope you liked doing Calcobrena!

So after a long break, I'm finally continuing this. Why did I not want to continue?


Oh yeah, that's why. Of course the last battle was too easy....


OH MY GOD IT'S JUST HIS DISMEMBERED ARM WORKING IT'S WAY AROUND ON THE FLOOR!!! :disgusted face of horror here:

Wait, did I really tear him apart limb from limb? Ouch...


HE'S GOING FOR THE CRYSTAL. And we just kind of follow along with our thumbs stuck up our butts instead of trying to stop him. Seriously is it that hard to pin the arm to the floor with a blade? It's not even skiterying around by the fingers, it's just dragging itself everywhere.


I do believe we're fucked now.


Well maybe not yet... I thought he would regenerate even bigger and badder.

*fade to black*


Giott: One Crystal left... We must protect it at all costs.
Rosa: Yes. Where can we find it?
Giott: In the Sealed Cavern to the southwest, where Golbez is heading. Do not worry. He cannot enter without the key.
Me: I find the lock picking skills of many villains quite remarkable. I doubt that even a dismembered arm would have much trouble picking the lock or even making a new key.
Giott: I have a request.
Cecil: We will do anything. It was our fault the Crystal was stolen...
Me: Within reason, I see a golden opporunity here for a fanfic.
Giott: I want you to retrieve the seven Crystals at the Tower of Babel.
Yang: I presume it will be fortified.
Kain: ...by Golbez's forces, yes. It won't be easy.
Giott: I have a plan. You will sneak in and seize the Crystals while our tanks distract them. The plan must be executed immediately before Golbez returns from the Sealed Cavern.
Kain: What do you think?
Rydia: A large force might be waiting.
Rosa: It's a risk.
Yang: As they say, "Nothing ventured, nothing gained."
Kain: As His Majesty says, now might be our only chance.
Cecil: Alright. We'll go to the tower and reclaim the Crystals.

I've just noticed that ORAS's Pokémon League Theme feels more fitting than whatever is being played in the background.


I have control. Now to talk to people again.

Starting with the little girl next to the King.

Luca: How dare they use my dolls for something like that!

And now the guards from left to right.

"Lali-ho! Think you got it?"
"We have tanks for defense! We won't go down easily!"
"The underworld is a swell place to live! Stay here with us!"
"The king showers Luca with affection so she won't feel lonely without her mother."

I wonder what happened to her mother...

*wanders off*


I do believe I'm in a new part of the Castle.

*piliages*

I got Gysahl Greens x3...


Also there's a Chocobo Spot here apparently. Judging from the size of the spot and the overall location, I can summon the item Chocobo.

This is supported by the guards.

"The great one can be entrusted with things you don't need or can't use right away."
"Fat Chocobo? Insolent fool! It's the bird of the gods!"

*talks to a third guard and opens up a hidden space*

[i
Hopefully there's something here better than chocobo chow.


Hmm?


"There are gigantic cannons in the Tower of Babel!"
"The underworld monsters are fearsome. Be careful!"

I feel like this is the place I'm supposed to be going to, but I don't wanna go just yet.


Yet I kept exploring and found chests! It's worth note that all of the other chests down here have already been opened.

*pauses before opening the first chest, remembering my experience in that one castle*

*hits F2*

*gets a Cottage, another Cottage, and yet another Cottage*

Okay... Not sure how these differ from a regular tent or how I can carry three whole houses with me. I suspect they're like permanent tents.


It would appear I've been fretting for nothing. This is just part of the castle, not a secret passage to the Tower of Babel.

*talks to guards"

"Rubicante, the strongest of the four Elemental Lords, is at the Tower of Babel!"

Lovely.... I see where this is going.

"Come back in one piece!"
"He who fights and runs away lives to see another day!"
"You sneak in while we distract them with our tanks!"
"Inside is the Water of Life! Drink before you go!"

Remember those pots back at Edward's Castle? This pot is like those pots and restores both HP and MP.


So that entire thing lead to some place in the middle of nowhere. Well maybe not nowhere, but you get the picture. I'll just turn back now and return to here later.


I'm in the West Tower now and I just got... nothing from the second floor :disappointed:


Woah... This is a maze ain't it.

*obtains a Hi-Potion, a Black Belt, and an Ether*


I can't reach the last chest, which likely means it's got something really good inside ):

*heads over to the other tower*

Got a Dwarf Axe, Ether, Power Armlet, Silver Hourglass, and an Elixir.


So at the weapons shop, stuff is too expensive D:


Things look much better over at the Armor Shop. I'll take Sage's Miter and Sage's Surplice for Rydia. Rune Armlet can be equipped to Rydia, Rosa, and Yang.

I deal with them after I get Rosa equipped with stuff.

So start off, she's level 30, and holding a whip, Gaia Gear, and a Silver Armlet. She has 31 attack, 19 defense, and 7 Special Defense. Equipping her with Sage's Miter (headgear) gives us 31/19/14. Replacing Gaia Gear with Sage's Surplice gives us 31/21/16.  Replacing the Silver Armlet with the Rune Armlet gives us 31/22/20.

Now if I replace the Whip with that Rod of Change we got a while back... She no longer benefits... Welp. She does apparently benefit from the Gold Hairpin, along with Rosa.

Hmm... The Gold Hairpin benefits Rosa more as she goes from 38/19/7 to 37/25/16 vs Rydia's possible 31/24/23.

Now moving onto Kain.... I can't really swap any of his armor for a decent improvement, or really any improvement for that matter. Equipping him with the Drawf Axe does improve his stats from 71/44/10 to 79/46/10 so I'll do that.

Moving on to Cecil.... I'll give him Flame Mail in place of Knight's Armor. This gives 79/44/9 from 79/40/8.

And on to Rosa. She's still equipping Ice Arrows, 9 of them to be exact. She already has the Hairpin... and there's not much else I can do.

Finally Yang. He's swapping out the Fire Claw for the Hell Claw, resulting in his stats going from 69/24/8 to 70/24/8 and the ability to sometimes posion his foes. Swapping out his Kenpogi for the Black Belt gives 70/31/9. Lastly I'm giving him a Silver Armlet in place of his Ruby Ring, bringing his stats to 70/35/10.

And so I'm calling this part here.