Greetings, Internet! To the surprise of no one, I'm Lief Katano, and I'm here, ready to bring the contents of today's Nintendo Direct directly to you!

Today's Nintendo Direct will be focused on the spring and summer titles Nintendo's bringing to the table. Its existence is very surprising, given that we just got a Direct not even a week ago! The side chat is, of course, filled with nuts. If you have allergies, stay away.

...wait a second. By reading this blog, you're likely staying away anyways. That warning was completely redundant.

Either way, it's 41 minutes long, so that's some time saved.

Seriously, though, there's some pretty crazy things in the chat. I can't tell if they're legit or if they're all jokes, because of Poe's Law.

Thanks, Poe.

Oh, it's on! Here we go!

Bill opens up the Direct, saying that there's some secrets to reveal. Star Fox Zero is up first, with Shiggy in NYC, saying Star Fox Zero is ready! It's similar to Star Fox 64 in story, but there's some new mechanics, such as teleporters and branching paths. In one of the gameplay bits, there's a new character called Katt. Wolf and his crew are also returning. The final goal is, of course, Venom and Andross.

There's a two-player mode in the game, where one player steers and the other shoots.

To the surprise of no one, there's amiibo support! At the very least, the old Star Wing becomes available.

The robot guard game from a few E3s ago is back as Star Fox Guard, where you help Slippy's uncle and defend precious metals.

That's it for Shigs. By default, they're bundled together, but on the eShop you can get them separately.

More Splatoon info! Buffs to gear abilities, Ranked Battle matchmaking adjustments, and stuff are coming March 8. There's also weapon updates, with new suggestions. It's coming soon.

Mario and Sonic at the Rio Olympic games news! From the looks of it, both characters from Lost World and Sonic Boom are playable. And Nabbit. And the Koopalings. There's others of course, but those are the more unexpected ones, I'd think. Oh, and rugby! And rhythm gymnastics. All arenas are based off of the actual arenas in Rio. The Nintendo 3DS version will come first, on March 18. I forgot when the Wii U version will release. :U

There's 6.2 Million Courses in Mario Maker! There's also new updates - key doors, spikes, and key coins will be in the next update. The keys in particular will be a godsend for anyone who wants to have a boss you have to beat for a level, because you can have an enemy drop the key.

And there's now Super Expert Mode. The good news? There's only six levels.

The bad news? Owowowowowowowowow (also you need it for all of the costumes). The updates will come March 9.

Oh, yay! #FE news! Whew, this is good. Tokyo Mirage Sessions, I think.

Ah, so they're not dubbing it, just adding English subtitles. I'm glad about this - better then not getting it at all!

Lost Reavers is Project Treasure. It's an action RPG, it looks like it. It's like Monster Hunter, but with levels, it looks like. April 14 has the open beta, and April 28 is new.

New Paper Mario game! Color Splash is paint-based, and he has a new trusty hammer - the Paint Hammer! This will allow him to return color to stuff. It's coming 2016, of course. It looks like Paper Mario has to paint cards in order to attack, sort of like with Sticker Star, I guess, but it sounds like it doesn't have the resources.

While I was typing all of that, Pokken was going on! Lucario's a long rangeish fighter, Machamp is up close and personal, and Gengar is designed to keep your foe on their toes. March 18 is its release date.

On March 4th, Twilight Princess HD comes out! That's it. Get out.

My Nintendo comes out next month! You can play apps and purchase games to get points to exchange for stuff.

Mini Mario & Friends amiibo challenge comes out next month. You can tap a Mario amiibo in to get stuff. It comes out April 28th.

Isabelle comes out in June.

Virtual Console upgrade! If you have a new 3DS, you can download SNES games! Nine games have been announced so far, including Super Mario World, 

Pocket Card Jockey.

It's horse racing.

Powered by Solitaire.

Bill seems as surprised as you are. It was developed by Game Freak.

Azure Striker Gunvolt 2 has been announced! Azure's rival has joiuned the playable character roster, and can copy boss abilities, Mega Man style. Until June 1, ASG will be available at a discount.

Fire Emblem Fates: Revelation will be available March 10, and reveal new stuff. There's also new DLC maps - releasing today are Museum Melee and Gold. And I think Royal Royale? I don't think so, but... Eh.

Hyrule Warriors Legends is available! As known, you can play as Linkle, and characters from Wind Waker. There's DLC available, of course, and you can buy a Season Pass and, with it, a costume for Ganondorf.

Preordering it lets you download a theme and get weapons from Legends on the original version. And transfer.

Preorder it at GameStop, and you get an artbook! Yay.

Medli can be downloaded for free on both the original and Legends as soon as the first DLC pack comes out.

Disney Art Academy is coming! It's Disney. It's Art Academy. That's... That's it. It's available May 13.

Bill shows off some new jobs. Wizard lets you combine spells and physical abilities. Catmancer exists. It's like Blue Mage/Vampire, but with cats. Also you pay them with treats, but that might just be lore-wise.

You can download a demo soon. Now? Agh. It's very nice.

OOOOOOOOOOH THERE'S AN ARTBOOK. I LIKE THIS ARTBOOK. IT'S COMING APRIL 15.

DRAGON QUEST VII YAY

It's completely remade, and it's...Auster? The protagonist's default name is Auster.

Either way, you play the role of *snrk* Auster, the son of a fisherman, and search for special shards with your friends. These shards, once you assemble them, allow you to travel into the past! Once you travel into the past, you're to fix the problems of the area, which allow them to exist in the present because of shenanigans. There's apparently a shard scanner in this version, which is welcome compared to "search EVERYWHERE". After a certain point in the story, you can change your job, which grants you access to new skills and changes your stats. Like, you know, your standard job system. It appears that changing your job will change your clothing, which didn't happen in the original. The battle system is your standard turn based, though unlike previous Dragon Quest games you're treated to a three-quarters view of the battlefield, with both parties (yours and the enemy's) lined up in a row (contrasting with the first-person view of most games, or the first-person while selecting commands then camera following your characters of VIII and IX).

Both the graphics (which use models for the characters this time around) and script have been completely updated, which is good because both of them were originally awful.

Dragon Quest VII: Fragments of the Forgotten Past is coming later this year.

Monster Hunter Cross is coming over as Monster Hunter Generations. It seems to be Final Fantasy Explorers but as an actual Monster Hunter game. ...That is to say, it sounds like there's skills this time.

Monster Hunter 4 Ultimate is offered at $20 for 48 hours after this game. Also MHG will have a crossover with Fire Emblem, in the form of a Marth costume.

Metroid Prime: Federation Force is being explained by Kensuke, the director of the Metroid Prime Series. It started in 2009, and the desire for an online/handheld title was there from the start. It started on the DSi, but then the new Nintendo 3DS came along and they liked it. It exists to explain the battle between the Galactic Federation and the Space Pirates, so... Samus is in the story, but the Federation soldiers are the main characters. At least, they're the viewpoint characters.

There's a tank/healer/damager sort of system, though it's far more flexible than usual. It'll be at WonderCon in later March, and it will be released late Spring 2016.

Rhythm Heaven MegaMix is announced to be coming. It has both new minigames and old ones. ...I can't remember if they have a release date announced. ...Liveblogging's hard.

Oooh, new game!

Oh, new Kirby game! ...Invaders have mechanized Dream Land. It's Sonic.

...Oh, this is interesting! He can enter the enemy's mecha armor (which seems to be acquired after you defeat a miniboss) and make it his own. And when I say make it his own, I mean make it his own - it can even copy abilities, just like Kirbs himself. It's probably like Hypernova, in that it only lasts for the stage. Shifting between the background and foreground also returns.

There's also Team Kirby Clash, which is a sort of multiplayer platform RPG game. Actually, that's exactly what it is. You can select a role for your Kirby - for example, Beam Mage, or a role based off of the new Doctor Kirby that creates a healing aura for your team mates. During battle, you can collect attack pieces. Collecting enough will grant you a special, awesome attack that deals a ton of damage to the enemy...provided you time it right, of course. Defeating an enemy awards you EXP, which levels up your Kirby and increases their stats. I did say it was an RPG, no? It's available with Download Play, so your friends the game themselves.

amiibos can be scanned to give you an ability. Some amiibo just give random abilities, while others will grant you specific abilities. Scanning (Smash?) Mario, for example, will automatically give you Fire Kirby. Link gives you Sword, while Smash Kirby gives you...er, Smash Kirby.

You may notice that I specified Smash Kirby. Why? Kirby series amiibos are coming! All of the guys in Smash Bros., in addition to Waddle Dee, will be immortalized in amiibo form. Again. Scanning them into the new game (Planet Robotech or something?) will not only grant Kirby a specific ability, but also give him a skin based off of the character. The exception is, of course, Kirby himself - tapping him in grants him the exclusive UFO power! Man, that takes me back...