So.....
Page 1 of 1
20160126
So.....
-walks up to podium-
-shuffles papers and looks around nervously-
...
-coughs-
-more rustling-
I haven't been on the last few days, not because I can't or don't have time (I was hanging out in steam). The reason I haven't been on is because for a while now, I've been getting more and more anxious when I posted. It kept getting worse and worse until I eventually just started writing out posts, deleting them, then just not doing anything...so I decided to leave for a bit...but now I'm back...maybe? idk.
Basically the anxiety I've been getting is because I'm starting to feel like I'm not being me anymore, or that I'm causing issues, or problems, or that you don't want me around anymore, and that scares me so much. I really don't want anybody here to hate me and I've felt like I'm on thin ice and that any little mistake will lead to you hating me and I just can't handle that. Like I said, that thought scares me. As I'm typing this I'm thinking that I shouldn't but I'm going to force myself to post it anyway. I'm a ball of anxiety, hatred, anger, and so much negativity that its so easy for me to just be quiet.
I don't want to run away thought.
I've run away before and it didn't end good. I just worried my friends and made them think I didn't care and I do care, I care about you all a lot. Running away would only help me and instead hurt you all and that would be selfish. I don't want to be selfish. I don't want to hurt anybody. I'm going to try to post a little more to see if my anxiety goes down, but could someone take over the art contest for me incase I can't?
I think that's everything I wanted to say, so don't feel bad if I don't post too often, its not that I hate you guys, its that I'm just being a pathetic piece of trash who can't even man up to face his own self loathing long enough to help others. Dang it, now I want to delete that last sentence but I told myself I wouldn't remove any parts of this post so that I could be more me. So that you'd get a peek at how my mind works a bit, or maybe I'd just make myself look like a fool. I'll try to post, at least I'll do my best, I know 2 posts I really want to make, or maybe 3, not sure.
-shuffles papers and looks around nervously-
...
-coughs-
-more rustling-
I haven't been on the last few days, not because I can't or don't have time (I was hanging out in steam). The reason I haven't been on is because for a while now, I've been getting more and more anxious when I posted. It kept getting worse and worse until I eventually just started writing out posts, deleting them, then just not doing anything...so I decided to leave for a bit...but now I'm back...maybe? idk.
Basically the anxiety I've been getting is because I'm starting to feel like I'm not being me anymore, or that I'm causing issues, or problems, or that you don't want me around anymore, and that scares me so much. I really don't want anybody here to hate me and I've felt like I'm on thin ice and that any little mistake will lead to you hating me and I just can't handle that. Like I said, that thought scares me. As I'm typing this I'm thinking that I shouldn't but I'm going to force myself to post it anyway. I'm a ball of anxiety, hatred, anger, and so much negativity that its so easy for me to just be quiet.
I don't want to run away thought.
I've run away before and it didn't end good. I just worried my friends and made them think I didn't care and I do care, I care about you all a lot. Running away would only help me and instead hurt you all and that would be selfish. I don't want to be selfish. I don't want to hurt anybody. I'm going to try to post a little more to see if my anxiety goes down, but could someone take over the art contest for me incase I can't?
I think that's everything I wanted to say, so don't feel bad if I don't post too often, its not that I hate you guys, its that I'm just being a pathetic piece of trash who can't even man up to face his own self loathing long enough to help others. Dang it, now I want to delete that last sentence but I told myself I wouldn't remove any parts of this post so that I could be more me. So that you'd get a peek at how my mind works a bit, or maybe I'd just make myself look like a fool. I'll try to post, at least I'll do my best, I know 2 posts I really want to make, or maybe 3, not sure.
Nopon- : Not a Shark Bully
Posts : 10316
Likes : 1329
Joined : 2013-01-15
Myers-Briggs Type : INFP-T
Location : On a stroll
Share this post on:
So..... :: Comments
26th January 2016, 11:51 pm by Guest
Can't tell you how many times I've been in the same boat... I know the feeling, but don't feel like you need to stay away just because of this.Skull Nopon wrote:The reason I haven't been on is because for a while now, I've been getting more and more anxious when I posted. It kept getting worse and worse until I eventually just started writing out posts, deleting them, then just not doing anything...
Also been here before too... Don't feel bad though. You're still you, and you're not causing any problems or issues. I think I know one of the reasons why you feel like this, and I just want to say that you shouldn't feel bad about it. Nobody's mad at you or anything like that.Basically the anxiety I've been getting is because I'm starting to feel like I'm not being me anymore, or that I'm causing issues, or problems,
or that you don't want me around anymore, and that scares me so much. I really don't want anybody here to hate me and I've felt like I'm on thin ice and that any little mistake will lead to you hating me and I just can't handle that.
Woah. Woah. Woah. We definitely want you to be around, and we certainly don't hate you. Please don't ever think that...
Lux, we care about you, just as much as you said you care about us, if not more. You are a very good friend to many people here, especially me, and we would never hate you or not want you around.
But I know things like this can pop in people's minds even when they aren't true. I know from experience...
...I mean, I've felt like I've been a bad friend before, and I've felt like I should just stay away so I don't hurt, offend, or just outright creep anyone out (this especially more recently...)...
Gah...where am I going with this?
...
I guess what I'm trying to say is that you're loved here, and we love having you around. If you ever feel bad or think anything like this, the best thing to do is what you did just now: Tell us. Because we're here for you. We're your friends.
...I hope that was okay...
26th January 2016, 11:58 pm by Nopon
It was more than okay, I'm kinda starting to get teary eyed though, thanks
26th January 2016, 11:58 pm by Burnin' Bunnies
Awe, Nopon...
You are a precious part of the Pit Stop, and I want you to remember that. You are always welcome here, and I believe I can speak for us all when I say that no one here will ever hate you. If you need to take time away, we understand, but please remember that we are here to support you in anything you may need.
I will be here as much as I am able with arms open to you and to anyone else on this site. :)
You are a precious part of the Pit Stop, and I want you to remember that. You are always welcome here, and I believe I can speak for us all when I say that no one here will ever hate you. If you need to take time away, we understand, but please remember that we are here to support you in anything you may need.
I will be here as much as I am able with arms open to you and to anyone else on this site. :)
27th January 2016, 12:00 am by Caprizant
Hey, I know how you feel man. Anxiety filters quite a lot of the stuff I do too. It's really difficult to work around social situations when I'm running one stream of thought that's trying to get my meaning across, and another stream of thought that's monitoring everyone else's reactions to make sure I'm not messing it up. :V
But yeah, in general anxiety will make your actions, words, and attitude seem worse to you in hindsight, especially when you think about how it might've affected other people. There's a lot of complex things going on that makes anxiety force you towards the conclusion that "oh my god that's the worst thing I've ever done," but in the end it's just not true. People don't actually make much note if you said that one thing in fourth grade that you really regret. It's just the fact that you said it that makes you remember it clearly, and judge it more harshly.
We're doing our best together to build a supportive environment. If there's anything about it that makes you uncomfortable, you're allowed and encouraged to speak up about it, privately or publicly.
And if you want some advice to help ease your tensions while you're around here making your posts, here's two general stress preventatives I do to focus:
1) Ease physical tension. Let go of all the tension in your body. All at once. Like, take a deep breath, or yawn, and let yourself fall into a position where you're not restricting your neck/tightening your muscles/expending too much energy holding yourself in an uncomfortable position. It really helps to be physically comfortable.
2) Ease mental tension. If you want some time to look over a post before posting—do something completely different for a few minutes. Get up and do the thing you've been planning to for hours, like clearing a table or folding your clothes, or play a game until you get past a particular challenge. When you come back, the parts of your mind you were using to write the post are all loosened up and untangled.
So yeah, hopefully I helped a bit. I'm here to talk if you need an anxious friend, and we're all here at your side if you need some family support. <3
But yeah, in general anxiety will make your actions, words, and attitude seem worse to you in hindsight, especially when you think about how it might've affected other people. There's a lot of complex things going on that makes anxiety force you towards the conclusion that "oh my god that's the worst thing I've ever done," but in the end it's just not true. People don't actually make much note if you said that one thing in fourth grade that you really regret. It's just the fact that you said it that makes you remember it clearly, and judge it more harshly.
We're doing our best together to build a supportive environment. If there's anything about it that makes you uncomfortable, you're allowed and encouraged to speak up about it, privately or publicly.
And if you want some advice to help ease your tensions while you're around here making your posts, here's two general stress preventatives I do to focus:
1) Ease physical tension. Let go of all the tension in your body. All at once. Like, take a deep breath, or yawn, and let yourself fall into a position where you're not restricting your neck/tightening your muscles/expending too much energy holding yourself in an uncomfortable position. It really helps to be physically comfortable.
2) Ease mental tension. If you want some time to look over a post before posting—do something completely different for a few minutes. Get up and do the thing you've been planning to for hours, like clearing a table or folding your clothes, or play a game until you get past a particular challenge. When you come back, the parts of your mind you were using to write the post are all loosened up and untangled.
So yeah, hopefully I helped a bit. I'm here to talk if you need an anxious friend, and we're all here at your side if you need some family support. <3
27th January 2016, 9:27 am by Greece
I don't have any tips, or anything insightful. So here's the first things that came to my mind.
I love you. You're not on the ice, you're the farthest from it. You're one of the nicest and most considerate people I've met. You're not being selfish for getting attention and you're not hurting anyone.
I love you. You're not on the ice, you're the farthest from it. You're one of the nicest and most considerate people I've met. You're not being selfish for getting attention and you're not hurting anyone.
27th January 2016, 10:29 am by TheCapsFan
We love you, Lux <3 if you weren't around this place wouldn't be nearly as cheerful or lighthearted. :)
And you know what if you need to take a break, we understand. I mean, just look at all the times I left and came back...
And you know what if you need to take a break, we understand. I mean, just look at all the times I left and came back...
27th January 2016, 2:17 pm by returnofmastercrazyhand
same as caps.
I've left and come back to bulba so many times the returnof in my username is an understatement.
I've left and come back to bulba so many times the returnof in my username is an understatement.
27th January 2016, 2:24 pm by Meyneth
I thought that you hadn't been posting as much.
Don't worry! I can't speak for anyone else but I've never felt like you're crossed any line or ever made me mad!
Don't worry! I can't speak for anyone else but I've never felt like you're crossed any line or ever made me mad!
27th January 2016, 4:00 pm by Lief Katano
Can confirm no line crossing has happened.
Can also confirm that you're Pretty Freaking Awesome.
Can also confirm that you're Pretty Freaking Awesome.
27th January 2016, 7:07 pm by Truthseeker4449
You're not a pathetic piece of trash, that I know for certain.
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum|
|
|