Slowly becoming true ultimate despair...

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Slowly becoming true ultimate despair...




I'm...sick of feeling inferior to everyone and everything. It seems like everything I do, someone does or can do 1000 times better. And I don't just mean in video games, but all video games (especially online ones) just tend to remind me how inferior I am to everyone else...

...Sad thing is, I try to use video games to escape my depressing life, and it just ends up making me more depressed. I mean, it's not a bad life, but I just feel stuck, and I end up not doing anything to help my situation.

I just try to run away from it, jump to another reality that just ends up feeling the same way: Depressing and stuck in a lackluster position that I can't seem to improve on no matter how hard I try.

And then I just end up frustrated, both at myself, and the world around me for being superior to me. I'm jealous. I want to be better, but I end up wallowing in my self pity and despair, then want the world to know and feel all of it.

...I'm sick of it. But I just keep digging myself deeper into this pit of despair, almost to the point where I feel like I want it...True ultimate despair.

I want to do better in life, but I never try to do better. I just end up going down the same goddamn path I end up on every fucking day. I'm slowly becoming more and more depressed every day with how I keep repeating the same mistakes I make every day. I could be doing this or that, but instead, I just go back to the same lackluster job with nearly bare minimum pay and never any opportunities to move up in it because I suck at it, then I come home and waste yet another evening on these shitty games that have no goal for me other than "get more loot".

I'm sitting here with so many other things that I could do, things that I could improve my life with, things that could help me overcome this fucking awful state I'm in...

...but I never do. I just keep falling into depression. Slowly turning into true ultimate despair.

...and I'm scared of what may happen if I don't change things for good.

...Maybe I need a break from all this. I've already uninstalled Overwatch, but...where do I go from here? If I try going offline, I'll end up lost because...I truly feel stuck in life. I have nowhere to go besides work and home (maybe shopping and other errands once in awhile), and at home...what do I have besides just sitting around and watching life slowly pass by...while everyone else in the world is out doing something better than me, proving how inferior I am to the world?

I'm sick of it...But I do nothing to fix it....Slowly becoming more and more depressed as the days go by....slowly hating the world and everyone in it more and more...slowly not wanting to even exist anymore...slowly becoming true ultimate despair...losing all hope of being anything but inferior to a world and people that I can't stand anymore...

I'm sick of it.



“Just like a single bullet setting off a world war, despair has the power to throw this world into chaos!”
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jokool
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Slowly becoming true ultimate despair... :: Comments

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Post on 3rd November 2017, 8:29 pm by Meyneth

Hey Jo, I'm really sorry you feel that way, if there's anything I can do let me know.

come play XIV

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Post on 3rd November 2017, 11:12 pm by Greece

I don't think there's much I can say to help you. I love you and I'm praying for you. It's okay to want more out of life, but you do need to make a move, doesn't have to be a big one. You could go to the library and check out a book just a start. Go on walks around where you live. Maybe try cooking.

I don't know what you would do, but don't let yourself fall into this trap of "I'm useless I can never change" because that's the biggest lie in the world. No matter what you've done or where you are in your life you can change. It's never impossible, if there are convicted criminals that can turn their life around then you definitely can too. I don't know how religious you are, but asking God yourself for help will do more then just me. He loves you and wants you to see how amazing you are.

We're all here for you, and I know that you can pull through these hard times. It may take a long time, but it is not impossible.

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Post on 6th November 2017, 9:02 pm by returnofmastercrazyhand

agreed with greece.
I really don't want you to do the extreme, so just know that I'm here for you as a friend.

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