...I guess I'll start at the beginning.

You know that girl that I worked with that I liked but didn't like but still liked and...

Anyway, she decided to start working at the store again last week. Not a problem though since I'm over her, I know there's nothing between us, I know she's not right for me, and she's got a boyfriend already and all that...right?

...try telling my coworkers that who have been...unhelpful...

It almost reminds me of us here and how we go hint hint at the silliest things. Just that little bit of teasing and stuff, which...okay, I'm not gonna lie, I don't mind it. In fact, I kind of like it.

Yes, I get embarrassed and all that, but...in the end, I'm usually smiling and laughing with everyone.

...The problem is that it gets my mind going... All those little things get me thinking and stuff and, even though I know there's nothing there, we're only friends and stuff, I always wonder...what if?

I think all my past crushes have had some sort of outside influence from someone (well, except for my first crush, which was just me being stupid and falling for a random girl I thought was cute). Whether it was some sort of teasing, or someone saying something that would make me think, it just seems like someone else has sort of sparked my past few crushes.

Probably the best example recently is, when I explain to my coworkers that she told me she has a boyfriend already, they say "So?" like I should fight for her or something...

...and it gets me thinking again. My mind wanders like crazy, from things like "Should I try to win her over?" to "What would happen  if I did start going out with her?" and "Is she someone that I'd actually be happy with?" also "Will I end up screwing up my life just being with her?"

I've told myself hundreds of times that I know she's not right for me. She seems wild (well, she likes to drink and smoke anyway, so...I don't know), and I don't think I need someone like that in my life because...well, I'm afraid I'll go wild. I don't know if that would actually happen, but I do know that I don't want to put up with or do stuff that I feel uncomfortable about just to get along with her (like drink and smoke...maybe even sex? I don't know), and if I was with her...the temptation is there...

...I think that's one of the main reasons why I also keep telling myself that I'm not ready for a relationship: Because of how vulnerable I am... I still have a lot of growing up to do, but I'm learning, slowly maturing, and gaining confidence in myself every day.

Someday, I do want to be with someone. I want a family. I want love. I want someone I can be with and have a good time with. I want a best friend and a lover. I want someone...that I can be happy with for the rest of my life...

...and the best thing to do so that I can have that someday is to stop just randomly falling for girls so quickly. The stupid gears in my head just need to slow down sometimes, ignore the outside influences and stuff, and just focus on building up a strong friendly relationship with girls I know/meet, then see where things go on their own, and maybe someday I'll be with the girl I've always dreamed about.

everlasting love lyrics:

He wasn't looking for a pretty face
She wasn't searching for the latest style
He didn't want someone who walked straight off the TV
She needed someone with an interior smile

She wasn't looking for a cuddle in the back seat
He wasn't looking for a five minute thrill
She wasn't thinking of tomorrow or of next week
This vacancy he meant to permanently fill

I need an everlasting love
I need a friend and a lover divine
An everlasting precious love
Wait for it, wait for it, give it some time

Back in the world of disposable emotion
In the climate of temporary dreams
He wasn't looking for a notch on his bedpost
A love to push, pull and burst at the seams

I need an everlasting love
I need a friend and a lover divine
An everlasting precious love
Wait for it, wait for it, give it some time

Is this love worth waiting for?
Something special, something pure

I need an everlasting love
I need a friend and a lover divine
An everlasting precious love
Wait for it, wait for it, give it some time
Wait for it, wait for it, give it some time

Is this love worth waiting for?
Bitterness will die for sure
Something special, something pure
Is this love worth waiting for?

Is this love worth waiting for?
(I need an everlasting love)
Bitterness will die for sure
Something special, something pure
(I need a friend and a lover divine)
Is this love worth waiting for?

I need an everlasting love
I need a friend and a lover divine
An everlasting precious love
Wait for it, wait for it, give it some time

I need an everlasting love
I need a friend and a lover divine
An everlasting precious love
Wait for it, wait for it, give it some time

I need an everlasting love
I need a friend and a lover divine
An everlasting precious love
Wait for it, wait for it, give it some time

I need an everlasting love
I need a friend and a lover divine
An everlasting precious love
Wait for it, wait for it, give it some time